Mission Statement
Hi friends. Sometimes I will tell stories that actually happened and sometimes I will tell stories I only thought of in my head. There will be no distinction made. I’m keeping a blog because I like...
View ArticleAfter ten minutes on hold:
“Hello, thank you for calling AOL customer service, my name is James, how can I help to make your online experience a magical one this morning?” “Well, James, I would like to cancel my magical online...
View ArticleBlarney for St. Patrick’s Day: Didofoot parties with strangers
“It’s like the war in Iraq, ‘protecting the people,’ blah blah I am a liberal,” said the pipsqueak with the confidence that comes from knowing for a fact that everyone around you shares your white...
View ArticleI’ll be looking at the moon, but…
Yesterday, I got home from work and ate some cheese on toast and fiddled around with my new laptop and magically was turned invisible by an act of God. Initially, it was pretty neat. I tried taking a...
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Chicanery, 1996
“So what do you do for fun?” asked the other lifeguard, slathering Coppertone onto his toned, copper arms. “Um, I dunno,” I said, intimidated by his bronzed perfection and fratboy pursuits. “Just, you...
View ArticleDog Dream
I’m in Tucson today. I was thinking how I would go there for grad school and drag the Lad with me and he and I would get a little house up in the hills just outside of the city. It would go like this:...
View ArticleStill in Tucson
I think we should get formal pictures taken, I say. Formal pictures? You mean, like, with sequins? And a corsage? No. Like with a photography studio in Sears. The Lad grimaces predictably. But why...
View ArticleWider and wider
My teeth are gapping. The tiny cracks between my teeth, which are perfectly normal and natural, are slowly widening as I sleep. Every morning I take a tiny tape measure and examine the progression, the...
View ArticleMy quiet beach community
I often think of how someday the Lad and I will marry and live in a quiet beach community and have a couple of rowdy kids. One day, I will be cooking spaghetti and singing to August and Everything...
View ArticleOur upcoming trip to Monaco
As the years wear on and no one discovers me (I imagine a chance meeting on a BART train with an editor who looks at me and suddenly Understands that I am the next big thing, but I would also be open...
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